


Squished Like Grapes

by UnstableUniverses



Category: Suite Life of Zack & Cody, Thomas the Tank Engine - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Detectives, Bob Dies, Crack, Crossover, Detectives, F/M, Gen, Humor, Hybrid Cars, Mentions of wine making, Murder, Murder Mystery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-09 02:44:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13472025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnstableUniverses/pseuds/UnstableUniverses
Summary: Detectives Zack and Cody are face to face with their toughest case yet, the case of the Pigeage Gang. A notorious group of murderers crushing people to death with their bare feet. Can they solve the case before they lose another friend?Written for the Unstable Universe Podcast.





	Squished Like Grapes

Detectives Zack and Cody stared down at the body before them. The ginger lay face down in a pile of his own vomit.

“Poor Bob,” commented Cody. Zack just crouched down to get a closer look. It was definitely the work of the Pigeage Group, named that for the gruesome way they stomped their victims to death with their bare feet, similar to early wine-makers crushing grapes. Huge foot shaped bruises covered every inch of Bob’s exposed back. His guts pushed out of either side of his squishy body, just like a grape.

“Who could have done something like this?” Cody asked.

“Well, judging by the footprints we know that its 3-separate people. And judging by the 2 other bodies we have found in this exact train yard over the past month we know that they’re serial killers,” Zack replied, “let’s go around and check for witnesses.”

This had been Zack and Cody’s routine for the past month. Show up, find a body, question the trains, start right back at square one. But both twins could feel deep down in their gut, that today was going to be different.

As usual the only trains parked overnight were Thomas and his cohorts Percy and Toby. The detectives had interviewed these guys twice before with no luck. Everyone knew that trains were deep sleepers, they had to be, train yards tended to be loud places day and night.

“Thomas, Percy, Toby, how are you fella’s holding up?” Cody asked.

All three trains looked down to their wheels.

“Okay I guess. It’s just scary to know that these murderers are running around with us sleeping right here in the open. One of them could have touched me and I never would have known,” Percy sounded afraid up his eyes showed no emotion, like he was thinking about more important things.

“I just can’t believe we let these guys get away with this again,” shouted Toby, he stomped his wheel down in anger. It clanged so hard against the metal rail that sparks flew. “Bob was my favourite conductor and now they’ve squashed him like a grape. Those three sicko’s!”

Zack snapped his notebook shut. “Thanks guys, that’s all we need.” He then turned on his heel and walked back towards his car, Cody followed close behind.

“Zack,” he whispered, “we didn’t even get the chance to talk to Thomas. Maybe he saw something.”

Zack held a finger to his lips and gestured for Cody to get in the car. Once both twins were comfortably in their Prius/detective office where nobody could hear them, Zack told Cody his plan.

“How did Toby know that there were three people in the Pigeage Group?” Zack asked.

Cody just stared at him with his mouth open, “I uh, I don’t know. Are you sure he knew?”  
  
“Those three sicko’s. Those where his exact words. Now let me know, did you ever tell him that information?” Zack demanded.

“No, never. I would never.” Cody stammered.

“Good. That’s what I thought. They know more than they’re letting on. I think it’s time we organize a stake out. 

* * *

 

The twin detectives staked out the train yard every night for two weeks before anything happened. They had cameras set up all throughout the train yard, in strategic locations so Thomas & Friends wouldn’t notice them.

The first sign that something was odd inside the train yard was a small flicker of grey across one of the screens set up in the “nerve center” aka the back of the Prius.

“Did you see that?” Cody asked the sleeping Zack. Annoyed that his brother had gobbled down 5 packs of twizzlers and immediately fallen asleep leaving him to watch the screens by himself once again. 

Cody looked back at the screens in search of this odd grey being. When suddenly he saw one. Just standing in the middle of the junk yard. It was a naked grey man. He stood with his back to the camera so Cody couldn’t see his face.

“ZACK!” Cody screamed, “Zack wake up! They’re here.”  
  
Zack just gave a loud burp and rolled over into an even deeper sugar sleep.

Cody grabbed a flashlight and his gun, tucking both into his jacket pocket. He reached out a hand and took hold of the knob of the Prius. Fear surged inside of him, he pulled his hand back as if the handle was burning. Tears filled his eyes, he was too much of a little bitch to investigate. Instead he turned back to his beloved computer screens and watched the grey man walk back into the darkness. 

* * *

 

“Why didn’t you go investigate?” Bellowed Zack the next day.

“I was scared Zack, you wouldn’t wake up,” cried Cody.

“You’re right. I’m the older brother so I should be looking out for you. It’s what mom would have wanted. I’m sorry.” Zack pulled his brother into a hug.

The duo spent the rest of the day preparing for the night of the big sting. 

“Hey sweet thang. I need you for a case,” Zack said into the phone sitting on the dashboard of the Prius.

Cody rolled his eyes in the backseat, surrounding him were polaroid’s of the grey man, each connected together with red yarn.

Ashley Tisdale was quick to help out, partly because she still had a thing for Zack, but mainly because she needed the money to keep her out of poverty.

“What do you need me to do sweet thang?” She asked.

“Just stand in the middle of the train yard. You’re going to be our bait,” Zack replied.

“But don’t worry. We are going to be right here. We’re ready to catch these guys. I’ve calculated every possible outcome and there are none in which you get squished,” Cody piped up.

Maddie looked worried but went out the stand in the train yard, the setting sun casting long shadows across her face.

She had barely stopped walking when three grey beings walked out of the shadows. One threw a chair knocking Maddie down. The others stood around laughing and saying things that the twins couldn’t head through the video only feed,

Inside the Prius, Zack and Cody’s identical jaws fell in identical awe. The Pigeage Gang was Thomas and Friends. They weren’t trains at all, but people hiding their bodies into train compartments.

Both boys rushed out of the Prius/detective office and ran towards Maddie’s screams. 

“We’re gonna crush you like a grape darling,” smirked Thomas.

“The only grapes getting crushed are going to be yours,” hollered both twins in unison. They then shot each of the train-boy hybrids in their nut sacks immediately exploding them.

Thomas and friends dropped to the ground dead.

“Another case solved,” smiled the twins.

Sharpay cried.

 

A/N

This story is based off of this photo https://twitter.com/shibatabread/status/451923775580143616


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